Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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