epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
