Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
