It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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