so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
