Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
last night I used snow as a chaser
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize