If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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