How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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