I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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