Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
