girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
