It's Friday. Sex?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
