Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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