Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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