Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
