Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My ass is underappreciated
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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