the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
