Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize