Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
