Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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