There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
