Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
