That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
