I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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