I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
