friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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