How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the day after is always just damage control
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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