So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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