there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
