Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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