He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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