and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
