I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
worst night to have a conscience
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize