is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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