You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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