I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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