I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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