his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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