you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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