what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize