Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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