I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
