how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
