this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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