so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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