If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
