yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
