Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize
