C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
