I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
