yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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