I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
