Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
