she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
