Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize