I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
