what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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