i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
