please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
