3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
