I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize