JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
