Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i dont even know how to be here
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
