god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
