We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
