please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
