What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
