New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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