and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
