I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
