Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do vagina's smell?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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