I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
