Apparently you make a good broom.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
