hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
