I like my sex mixed with concussions.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
