he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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