he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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