god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
