Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
