I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
