when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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