she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
