Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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