I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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