I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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