End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
