if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
