So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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