I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
