i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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