If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
