i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
