and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i think i just lost a toe
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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