Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
