Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
