he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
