The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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