I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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