I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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