Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
