you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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