and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
