best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
