put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
