I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
