someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
