yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
