now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
