It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
